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One Side: Beth

At times she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me being her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend helping her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not all people enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends support one another in minor capacities. I thought recording a short video here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion film you. I understand that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their friendship?