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Our close companions with a woman, a person who's overcome several challenges, and I respect her for that. Yet, she has been repeatedly blindsided by others. Her partner left her, which came as a massive blow. Many of her social circle drifted away during that time, because they seemed drawn to him. She was stunned by her. She put in more effort in our friendship, and must have understood more clearly the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

Over the years, many of her friends have disappeared and she isn't sure why. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, even though she had been an excellent employee, her exit happened unaware of what had changed.

Present Situation

Lately, we have each left the workforce so we're spending each other more, however, I feel my position between us feels one-sided. I introduce subjects and she changes them to her own topics. Politically, she holds unyielding views. I try to suggest double-checking information or other angles.

She has been planning a vacation to a country I have traveled to repeatedly even called home previously. My intention was to offer insights, but this was unappreciated. She essentially only wanted my agreement with her plans. I've just returned from 30 days in that country and she wants to catch up, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate in this role that walks away without a word, yet I doubt she can comprehend the effect of how she acts on how I feel about myself. Currently, my state is pulling back. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

One option is to end things abruptly, however, that approach is seldom the peaceful resolution we hope for. Yet having a direct talk aiming for resolution takes courage and openness from both people.

Therapists recommend using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step is to state how things go when you talk. This needs to be as factual as possible and basically what a recording device would replay. Next is to express her how it leaves you feeling. This allows for no argument about this. What you feel are valid, naturally. Step three is to ask how the two of you can shift the pattern of your friendship."

Remember that she also holds perspectives, thus requiring you to stay open to hear that. One effective method is to say her:

"Now you talk and I'm going to not say anything for a set time."

This can be impactful in fostering understanding.

Key Takeaways

Your friend may dismiss everything, as some people cling to a deep-seated story: they have a story regarding their experiences they won't abandon as it feels essential depends upon it and it represents they've known. This is difficult as there is no clear path with these people, only cul-de-sacs. But she may initially present like this before reflecting on your words. If you never reach a resolution, it will give you closure knowing you were honest with her.